New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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