the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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