this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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