Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
