SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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