fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't think brook has ever known best
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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