As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
