Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
