Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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