I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am available for nakedness
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
