is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
