i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
