Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
