drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
