My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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