no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He better not be in your backpack
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
