Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
