It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
