I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
