I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
