OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
