i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
