my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
