a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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