last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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