apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
