Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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