in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
