I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
