Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
