ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
