I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
