So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
