There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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