I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
