toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
