my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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