where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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