We won't sleep together?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
