I wish I only lived at night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize