I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
