i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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