never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize