last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize