Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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