You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize