Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
