I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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