is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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