one two three fourrrrnication!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
