Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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