The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
