please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
