As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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