The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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