The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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