and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
