He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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