The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
