Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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