May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
