the day after is always just damage control
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
