Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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