Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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