Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Randomize
