Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
