You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
