I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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